Third Time's a Charm

This weekend Lukas had his third going away shindig. I felt like most people would be really apathetic (Janai) about going because at this point they've gone to one of the other parties and been nagged to no end about not making it to the other, or because they were like "He's not gone yet?" I had a bbq to go to before hand and figured I'd swing in for the late part of the party. Upon my arrival Katy tells me, "It's weird." and that could mean a lot of things...

1) There was a random dog wearing a tshirt. Who's dog was this? Why would they bring a dog to a party? Why is it wearing a tshirt? We found him in a room watching tv. It was weird. We tried to get him to come out, but he was apparently heavily invested in some weird British show from the 80s.

2) People kept passing out on the couches. They were subsequently drawn upon. What is this high school? Who rolls up to a party and passes out? I was way more offended by that than the fact that some fools drew full on beards and mustaches on them. It's not even midnight and you're asleep on a stranger's couch when there's a house full of people? Really?

3) Random Georgetown freshman roll up with a Gtown senior who lives next door. Lukas walks up and goes,"What're you doing here?", they say they came to hang out, "Where's your beer? Did you bring something or are you just trying to come and drink our booze and peace out?" They clearly didn't have anything. Lukas kicks them out and verbally berates them. Random senior who doesn't have anything either is probably the drunkest man in Washington DC. His shirt is unbuttoned to the extent that I question his heterosexuality. We let the kid stay and he's fully entertaining saying random stuff and staggaring around. At some point Jesus gets a "tour" of his house. I left them to it and Lukas yells at me for leaving that young child alone with Jesus. I have to go break it up. We go back to the fiesta and the kid goes,"Is everyone here gay?" I looked around and was like, "No. I mean, I'm not." To which he responds, "Well yeah, you're a girl, you can't be gay." I almost drop some knowledge about the various possible sexual orientations available to women, but as I look at his vacant, glazed over eyes, bright red face and notice the way he's swaying back and forth I think better of it. Jo says she saw Jesus trying to button that young child's shirt at some point. I'm walking downstairs and see the kid fully laid out in Brittany's bed and she's like closing the door and I'm like, "Uuuuummm why is everyone in this house trying to rape that young child?" And I'm compelled to intervene. I found out that Brittany is not, in fact, attempting to take advantage of the child, she was leaving to go out with some friends and just told him to pass out in her room before he made a total ass of himself. Apparently.

We saw that child the next day as we were out back (drinking again) having a top 40 dance party. We threw him a beer and he's like, "Whoa are you guys STILL partying?" He was intrigued but I think too embarassed/afraid to come over and chill with us.

4) Literally 7 of us fell asleep around 6am on the couches, I woke up and went upstairs to sleep and was rudely awakened by Jesus yelling, "LUKAS SAYS YOU'RE LAUGHING AT US!" Apparently Lukas told everyone that I was laughing at them because I was asleep in a bed and they were on the couch. Whatever. We then watch the Bedroom Intruder song and everyone sings along. I know my friends are awesome when they happily rouse themselves from hungover slumber to sing the Bedroom Intruder song.

5) The next day during our two hour long top 40 dance party in the backyard (Where I drank a whole bottle of wine and everyone else drank 7-8 beers) we took tons of pictures and blasted embarassing music as we danced around and it was awesome. Then we spent the rest of the day boozing at Rhino and watching the games. It was insane. Ran into tons of people we knew and got into all sorts of mayhem. JESUS GOT ICED! It was terrible! I'd never witnessed an icing but it is hilarious and embarassing. A key quote from that day was, "I can't fight crime, I'm dancing." -Jesus. And he was.

Three Day Weekend

A lot has happened in the past week mostly due to the three day weekend and my friends having incredibly powerful livers. Rekindled an old friendship with a guy I've known since college who is a bartender at the waterfront. That led to disaster twice this weekend. Okay maybe not disaster but it did lead to Jesus using a wall to support himself and propel himself down the street.

I started Saturday at Sea Catch, where Jesus and Jason were bartending. Jason made this amazing Skittles infused vodka and they both kept me in champagne while TJ told me about how Georgetown undergrads laughed at Jesus the night before in Quick Pita because he was using the wall to hold himself upright. Nice. My goal for the evening then became to get Jesus so drunk that he needed to hold himself up using the wall. We went to the waterfront where we got 'prime real estate' by the bar. It wasn't actually prime because it meant my friend could give us shots whenever he wanted, and when we tried to pour them into our drinks rather than take them he would point at us and say menacingly, "I saw that!" PS I think the bartender lady with the braid at the waterfront hates me, maybe she has a thing for my friend?? And I got an epic lecture from Jesus, the apotheosis of all things moral and good, about dating men who are less attractive than me and how he hates when I do it. (I do not do it often, for the record.) It was just ironic that Jesus of all people would lecture me about anything, let alone that. We ended up trying to find Jason and TJ later that night. Walking up Wisconsin Ave, Jesus was forced to use the Apple Store's front window to propel himself forward as TJ came into view and said, "Goal achieved!" and high fived me. I swore Jesus stole my ring and he swore it was in my purse, TJ obviously believed me...yeah it was in my purse the whole time.

The next day (SUNDAY FUNDAY!) TJ picked me up and we met Jesus and Janai at the Front Page for bottomless mimosas and all you can eat buffet. I think we each told the waiter, who was more hung over than god, that he should just leave a carafe of mimosas on our table to save himself effort but he wasn't allowed. We ran him ragged with our drinking skills. Janai stuffed herself so full of food that all she could do for the next hour was lay down, rub her stomach and lament her food baby. After Front Page we grabbed booze and headed to the rooftop at TJ's brother's house. Sat up there and listened to music and enjoyed the day until lots of people were up there and we decided we were in no shape to be around other humans because we'd gone far beyond the bounds of politically correctness and politeness. Naturally, we headed to Millie and Al's where we had 3-4 pitchers (no one knows for sure) of beer and shots. We were the only people in there for a good 1.5 hours but we were champions. Jesus the next day was like, "I mean it's not like we did shots there...but we always do shots at Millie and Al's" Oh yes we did.

Then it was time for the waterfront. My friend kept the booze flowing more steadily than he probably should and eventually Jesus left us. He was blacked out. Apparently he blacked back in and was sitting in the movie theater watching Inception and eating nachos alone. He has no idea how he got there or what he was doing or what happened in the movie. "Who would sell me a ticket? Why wouldn't they be like, sir you're too drunk to understand Inception right now, please go home?" he asked the next day. I have a feeling he just lurched in and said "Movie. Nachos." and some poor fool took pity on him and probably laughed at him and wanted to see what he would do. At lunch the next day Jesus was in rough shape to say the very, very least. He was leering at children and rude to the waiter and he ordered like everything on the menu then didn't eat it. To be fair, I knew it was too early for him to be in public but I really wanted padthai and made him suffer for my love of Thai food.