Jesus wanted me to go to a concert at the Rock 'n Roll Hotel last night. I love that place. Its dark and cool, has tons of couches, not too many hipsters, its an intimate venue, good drinks, flying guitars on the ceiling...it is awesome. I also love seeing Jesus in North East DC, he just gets edgy and uncomfortable whenever he strays too far from the comfort of Georgetown's cobblestone streets and gourmet cupcakes. He donned his t-shirt with a hole in it and we ventured forth. The cab ride was totally an indication of how things would devolve. We discussed pot, ecstasy, cocaine, GW drug dealers and dancing. The driver was laughing and I half suspected he was a narc. We get there and I quickly usher Jesus, Rock 'n Roll Hotel virgin, upstairs and show him around the place. He wanders around every inch of the place like a moderately retarded 3 year old staring up in amazement and confusion. I breathe a sigh of relief when at last he exclaims, "I really like this place! This place is weird but cool." Jesus is REALLY judgey, especially for someone who frequents Rhino Bar and Clydes, and its totally obnoxious to be somewhere he doesn't like because you will not hear the end of it and you end up binge drinking until you can no longer hear his bitching.
We grab drinks and head down to catch three songs from the opening act, who was really decent. Like a way edgier Jack Johnson/James Blunt. His voice was angelic at moments in his love songs. As we walked in the room though something was odd. I looked around and realized I was one of only 5 females in the room and all the men were very well groomed. "Jay Brennan is gay?" I asked. "Yeah, I mean why?" Jesus asked. "Well that explains the quantity of man love in the room...and it also explains the lesbians who I thought were hipster boys but upon closer inspection are actually chicks." We then scanned the crowd and judged. It is what we do best.
The opening act finished and the crowd just instinctively shifted forward, everyone moving en mass to get as close to Jay Brennan as possible. He came out (well I'm fairly sure he came out long before this) and started with an incredible Lady Gaga cover. His lyrics were never trite, his voice was velvety and versatile and his commentary between songs was hysterical. He totally appealed to the DC crowd by incorporating intern/senators/sexual favors jokes. Jesus and I made fast friends with a chick and her gay friend who were next to us and she was constantly engaging in a dialogue with Jay, she was really funny. I should mention that every girl there had her respective gay friend in tow. I, however, feel I was the only one who wasn't lusting after the gay men or asking them to "try women". I did catch the eye of a few lesbians. I always do. They always hit on me. Its like a rule. And I never know its happening until they've bought me a drink and someone points out that I'm being hit on, then it gets awkward as I attempt to slink away tactfully. And lesbians always hate Jesus. No clue why, but they hate him. We were a dynamic duo for sure.
After the show we went upstairs and danced to crazy top 40 hits amidst green and red lasers. It was awesome. Lasers make everything so much cooler. At one point this devastatingly gorgeous man said, "My boyfriend just called." I was just drunk enough to ask him if I could pretend he was straight, "Just for pretend!" because it was a very grave thing for women everywhere that a man so beautiful wasn't into chicks. Thankfully he laughed and said he'd be fine with my pretending he was straight and was not offended and I got back to dancing to Madonna's Like a Prayer with a frantically flailing Jesus. (Okay so I lusted after that one, but if you saw him you'd totally understand) All in all, an awesome night on H st.
Just when I think that night couldn't have gotten any better I get a call from Jesus this morning, his voice thick with sleep and shame. Jesus apparently kept the dream alive last night and went to Rhino Bar, where dreams go to die. He then went home and passed out and peed his pants. He's literally going to pretend he's not speaking to me for like a week for writing this, but it had to be done. Britney, his new roommate, spent the night and apparently awoke to the fresh scent of urine and a puddle on her leg. Sad, but true.
No comments:
Post a Comment